


Andante

by Lollipopssuck



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Asexual Character, Bisexual Character, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-19 10:15:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12408459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lollipopssuck/pseuds/Lollipopssuck
Summary: Kyungsoo and Chanyeol are students at the same university. Chanyeol wants to make friends but Kyungsoo just wants to quietly do his work. That doesn't really work out for him.





	Andante

 

Kyungsoo spent a lot of time practicing. He'd worked very hard to get into his university as it was well known for the best for studying music. He wasn’t a particularly studious person, so the amount of effort he put into his studies was a reflection of how much he actually loved music.  Because of this he was almost always in one of the small studios that his school had open for students to come and practice in.  One of the reasons he had been so keen on going to this specific school was because their facilities were some of the best.  

His penchant for practicing is what first got Chanyeol to notice him. Anytime Chanyeol would to sign in for one of the studios himself he’d notice a name that was consistently on the list before his: Do Kyungsoo. As he was also the type to practice way more often than would seem reasonable, he became curious as to who exactly this person was.  Chanyeol tended to be friendly to a fault, so a lot of the curiosity also stemmed from a desire to make friends with anyone he found even mildly interesting.  

His eyes scanned the list to see which studio Kyungsoo was currently in.  He walked down the hall to the correct room and looked through the small window on the door. Inside he could see just one person in the booth, someone who appeared to be singing. There was no one in the control room. He didn’t want to be an asshole so he waited until the person, who he presumed (correctly) to be Kyungsoo, to finish singing and come out out into the control room before he knocked.

On his way out of the booth Kyungsoo had started immediately ruffling through some papers on a table.  When he heard the knock he looked up, extremely confused.  Most people who knew him knew well that he did not like being disturbed overly much, and that it was especially annoying to him while he was practicing.  It wasn't like he’d freak out (too much) or anything, but he disliked the feeling of having to switch out from his practice mode just to talk to someone.  

For a second he just stared at the face that was filling the tiny window on the door.  What he saw he found vaguely upsetting because in the window was a smiling face. What was worse, it was a smiling face accompanied by a waving hand. This definitely mean that whoever it was actually trying to get his attention and it was not a mistake, as he’d hoped it might be. He mentally argued with himself about about whether or not to quickly turn around and go back into the booth like he hadn’t seen him or to just open the door and see what this person wanted. As he thought about it he realized that too much time had passed he it was probably impossible to pretend the smiling face didn’t exist so, with no other option, he sighed and opened the door.

Chanyeol stepped into the room briskly, with an even bigger smile than he’d had before.  

“Wow, for a second there I almost thought you didn’t see me! Sorry to interrupt you while you’re working! I noticed you come here to practice really often and and I come a lot too and I kept noticing your name and I thought ‘Wow, anyone who likes practicing this much must be pretty cool.’ so I came to introduce myself!” He said this all very fast.  

For a second Kyungsoo just stared at him. This guy, who still hadn’t told him his name, was still smiling. That’s... really weird, Kyungsoo thought to himself. Chanyeol rapidly spoke again.

“Oh sorry. My name is Chanyeol by the way. Park Chanyeol. I’m a music major. I guess I should have started off by introducing myself right? Your name is Do Kyungsoo isn’t it? I saw it on the sign-in sheet.”

I could lie, Kyungsoo thought again, say my name is… I don’t know, something else.  
He couldn’t think of any other name so he just nodded.

“So you’re a music major too right? You’re always here so you must be. My concentration is composition, what about you?.” Chanyeol leaned against the now closed door. Kyungsoo fretted on how long he was planning to stay.

“Uh yeah. I’m vocal.” Kyungsoo replied slowly.

“Oh awesome! Do you write your own songs or something? You record a lot.”

“No, I don’t usually write anything. I just like to practice here. I can record myself to see how I’m doing. And it’s quiet.” He looked pointedly up at Chanyeol. Chanyeol didn’t catch the hint.

“Oh that's really cool!” Chanyeol exclaimed, “Can I hear what you were recording now?”

Kyungsoo stared at him, his brow furrowed. He was trying to figure out a way to politely say absolutely fucking not.

Noticing Kyungsoo apparent glare Chanyeol quickly said, “Ah well maybe today isn't the best time. You seem busy.”

Chanyeol turned to open the door. But just as his hand touched the doorknob, and Kyungsoo was sure this strange encounter was over, Chanyeol took a quick breath and turned back around.

“Let me give you my number.” He took a long stride toward the desk and wrote his name and number on the corner of a piece of paper.

“Maybe we can hang out sometime and talk about music or something.”

Kyungsoo didn’t respond. He just continued to stare with that slightly furrowed brow.

Chanyeol walked back to the door and actually opened it this time before turning back once again to say, a bit too brightly and very nervously, “Well Goodbye! It was nice to meet you!”

He quickly stepped out and let the door close behind him. Just before it completely snapped shut he heard Kyungsoo say, quietly, “ ‘Bye.”

Kyungsoo never called him.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

It wasn’t until the next semester that Kyungsoo saw Chanyeol again. It was on the first day of  a composition elective he’d signed up for. His academic advisor had suggested he try branching out with his electives, so he figured it might be interesting to try. Besides, he’d already powered his way through all the vocal electives he could take at his level. (It’s worth noting that his advisor had actually intended for him to take something like art or science.)

On the first day of class he showed up fairly early and grabbed a seat at the front. His eyesight wasn’t the best so he wanted to make sure he could see everything on the board. Slowly the rest of the class began to filter in one or two people at a time. Once there was about five minutes left before the start of class Kyungsoo heard a loud and vaguely familiar voice from the back of the classroom. He glanced back and saw a tall figure that was just as vaguely familiar as the voice approaching the front of the room. He squinted in the man’s direction, trying to make out any distinguishing features.  As the person got closer Kyungsoo suddenly remembered where he knew him from. Recognition crossed his face just as he locked eyes with this tall man, who he now remembered to be named Chanyeol. The look was mirrored on Chanyeol’s face, and was quickly followed by a look of surprise. Seeing that Kyungsoo was seated alone Chanyeol made a beeline away from his friends and sat down next to him.  

“Hello.” Chanyeol said, grinning so widely Kyungsoo was sure his face must hurt.

“Hello…” Kyungsoo responded slowly. Chanyeol’s face fell a little.

“Um… do you remember me? We met about a month or two ago? You never texted me or anything so I figured you must have forgotten.”

“I remember you. You’re Chanyeol right?” Kyungsoo replied after a beat.

“Yeah that’s right! And you’re Kyungsoo! You’re a vocal major right? What brings you to a composition class? Decide to try for fun?” Just like the last time they’d met, Chanyeol was speaking very quickly, with a deep voice that exuded excitement and warmth.

“Uh, yeah. Something like that.” Kyungsoo was a little bit amazed that this guy could endlessly come up with questions.

“Oh awesome!” Chanyeol said, “Is it okay if I sit here? I can help you if you have any questions. I’m very smart and really good at composition.” He said this while glowing with pride.

Kyungsoo stared at him for a moment, a little bit amazed, and nodded. How can someone be like this, he thought. He’d only seen people this outgoing in movies and stuff so he was having a hard time believing Chanyeol was actually real.  It was freaking weird.

Kyungsoo had held onto the paper with Chanyeol’s name and phone number for a couple of weeks, but this had been mostly due to it being on the corner of the sheet music for the song he’d been working on. As a result he saw it almost every day, and maybe once or twice thought about contacting him. He ultimately didn’t because he figured it would’ve been too awkward. He threw it away once he was finished with that song and then forgot about Chanyeol.

Chanyeol, on the other hand, hadn’t forgotten at all. He, very realistically, hadn’t set much hope into Kyungsoo actually calling him or anything. But he was not one to give up easily so he had been waiting for a chance to possibly get to know him more organically. He still checked the sign-in sheet almost every day to see if he was in the studios, but thought it best not to attempt talking to him while he was working again. He really couldn’t believe his luck that on the first day of class he’d walk in and Kyungsoo would actually be there! He definitely wasn’t going to give up this chance. And besides, he’d asked around about him and a senior friend of his who as also a vocal major said he was nice, just hopelessly introverted, and that the glaring was probably because his eyesight was bad. Class began and Chanyeol glanced over and just as he’d thought, Kyungsoo was squinting more than ever now, copying everything from off the board into his notebook.

As class proceeded  Kyungsoo continued to take notes diligently. Chanyeol just listened intently, every once and awhile looking over to see what Kyungsoo was doing. The other boy was squinting so much he had three deep lines between his eyes. He should probably get some glasses, Chanyeol thought. But he figured it wasn’t really any of his business.

After class was finished Chanyeol waited while Kyungsoo slowly packed up his stuff. Once he’d finished and shouldered his backpack to leave Chanyeol piped up and asked, “So, do you have another class after this?”

“No.” Kyungsoo said, “Well, not for like 3 more hours.”

“Oh cool me neither, I only have this class today.” Chanyeol look away for a second then continued, “Do you want to get some coffee or something? We can talk about class, like, if you have any questions or anything.”

Kyungsoo considered for a moment. He liked to make at least one friend, or acquaintance, per class in case of a group project or something. He nodded his assent. He figured if this guy wanted to be friends then he was as good as anyone. Besides he actually seems pretty nice. And with that they headed off to find a cafe.

As they walked out of the building Kyungsoo asked if he could choose which cafe they went to. This was the first time, in their short time if knowing each other, that Kyungsoo had actually volunteered to speak first. Chanyeol was thrilled and agreed immediately.

He followed Kyungsoo to a small cafe just off campus. Chanyeol had never been to this one before. If fact, he hadn't even noticed it, as it was tucked away into an alleyway between two larger streets. It only has a few tables and a small coffee bar. The decor was cuter than he expected, and there was upbeat music playing quietly from speakers up in the corners of the room. There were no other customers at the moment. As they sat their stuff down at a table in the corner a small young man stepped out from behind the curtain that led to the kitchen. The young man nodded a casual hello in Kyungsoo’s direction and offered a warm and bright, “Welcome.” to Chanyeol.

Chanyeol was a little bit surprised by this choice of cafe. To him, Kyungsoo came off as such a cool and subdued guy that him favoring such a cute and bright cafe seemed contrary to his character. It gave him the feeling that Kyungsoo was even more interesting than he already seemed. Kyungsoo motioned for Chanyeol to sit down.

“I’ll go order. What would you like?”

“Oh I have no idea. What’s good here? That’s not coffee. I’m not a big fan of coffee.” Chanyeol said. The barista glanced over, his eyes a bit narrowed.

“Oh, the coffee is the best here actually. But I guess the smoothies are pretty good too.”

“ Oh okay! Mango smoothie, please!”

“Alright.”

Kyungsoo walked over to tell the barista their order. He ordered the smoothie for Chanyeol and a latte for himself. He lingered at the counter as the baria asked, “So who’s your new friend?”

“Just someone I met in class today.”

“Ooo, he’s cute.” Said the barista.

“Yup.”  Kyungsoo said with a sigh, knowing where this was going.

“And very tall.” the barista continued, a mischievous grin spreading across his face. He leaned in closer to Kyungsoo and asked, “So is he seeing anyone?”

“I wouldn’t have the faintest idea.” Kyungsoo said in an even, slightly exasperated, voice.

From across the cafe Chanyeol spoke up, “I have a girlfriend actually. But thanks for the interest.” He was blushing a little.

Kyungsoo gave the barista a look that said, ‘You just couldn’t resist could you?’ The barista just grinned back at him, for a moment looking like the chesire cat made human.

“So that’s one latte and one mango smoothie right? Coming right up!” The barista turned and started working on their drinks. Kyungsoo returned to their table and sat down.

“Sorry ,” He said as he sat down, “Don’t mind Minseok, he just likes to flirt for the fun of it. But his coffee is the best I’ve ever had. And it’s usually quiet in here, so I like it.”

“It’s okay.” Chanyeol responded, “ It’s a nice place. It seems like you two know each other pretty well.”

“Oh, yeah, he’s kind of um… close… with my roommate. And he really is a good guy.”

“Oh cool.”

There was a pause in conversation. Just then Minseok brought over their drinks. He set down Chanyeol’s light orange colored smoothie and included a wink in Chanyeol’s direction and sat a latte with a cute cat drawn on top in front of Kyungsoo. Chanyeol flushed a little again and Minseok disappeared behind the curtain to the kitchen.  

“Um, so how much do I owe you?” Chanyeol asked.

“Oh it’s fine. I plan to ask you a lot of questions about class. Consider it payback.”

“Wow thank you! Helping is no problem though. Let me buy next time.” Chanyeol’s face was almost split in half with how wide he was smiling. Kyungsoo actually returned his smile for once, albeit with a smaller, more reserved smile. The smile made his face look so much softer. Chanyeol was surprised by how different he seemed from the first time they had met. The change of scenery to somewhere he knew well, where they could talk one on one comfortably, had helped to brighten him up considerably.

For the rest of their time at the cafe they sat and talked for a long while, pretty much all the way until Kyungsoo had to leave to go to his next class. Chanyeol walked back to campus with him, telling jokes the whole way in an attempt to get Kyungsoo to smile again. The whole time they actually forgot to talk about class at all.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Over the next few weeks they kept up the routine of going to the cafe after class to go over their notes. Or at least attempt to.  They would often get distracted and completely forget  about studying. Chanyeol would tell Kyungsoo stories about his friends, which he had a copious amount of. Kyungsoo spent most of those conversations in awe of how he could keep up with that many people. They bonded over pictures of their dogs, both of which lived back home home with their families.

Chanyeol also talked about his girlfriend almost constantly. He told Kyungsoo her name was Yeonhee. He gushed about how she went to a different university on the other side of the city. How she was majoring in literature and she was so smart and he was so proud of her. According to Chanyeol she was the sweetest and most perfect person that had ever existed. He was obviously more than a little head over heels. Kyungsoo had never seen much point in romantic relationships as they just seemed messy. But Chanyeol was just so in love with being in love. Kyungsoo could see it in the way his face shined with he talked about Yeonhee. He didn’t want to admit it to himself, but Kyungsoo was a little bit jealous. The way he could just love so easily and find so much joy in it was amazing. He definitely wasn’t jealous of the droves of friends of friends Chanyeol had. That just seemed exhausting. But still, he felt stirrings of jealousy whenever Chanyeol would tell too many stories of his other friends and his girlfriend.

After the semester had ended and they’d finished with their mutual composition class they kept up with their weekly meetings at the cafe. Without the time constraints of having to attend another class afterwards they found themselves staying and talking even longer. When they would run out of things to talk about they would just sit quietly in each other's company, doing whatever activities they liked.  Kyungsoo was impressed that such a boisterous person could be so comfortable with silence.

One day, while Kyungsoo was reading a book and Chanyeol was playing a game on his phone, he decided to bring it up.

“You know,” Kyungsoo began, “You’re probably the most talkative person I know.”

Chanyeol looked up from his game, surprised. Even though they’d become close and pretty comfortable with each other in the past few months, Kyungsoo still didn’t speak first too often. He put down his game and leaned forward into the table.

“Yeah I hear that a lot.” he replied with a little laugh.

“So why are you so okay with sitting here and not talking for so long.” Kyungs posited, bluntly.

Chanyeol chuckled a little bit and thought for a few seconds before answering.

“I think I’m just comfortable around you.” He started slowly. “It feels less like I have to talk. I don’t really mind being quiet most of the time.”  He finished with another small laugh. He picked back up his phone and started is game back up again,

“Also,” he continued, looking over his phone at Kyungsoo, “I like being around you. It’s comfortable.”

Kyungsoo stared at him for a minute and then quickly looked back down at his book.

“Thank you.” He said quietly.

Chanyeol smiled and went back to playing his game. After a moment Kyungsoo spoke again, even more quietly.

“It’s comfortable for me too. Being around you.”

Chanyeol smiled again, just a bit bigger. From behind the counter in the back of the cafe Minseok smirked.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eventually they started hanging out outside of the cafe more and more as well. They would meet on campus between classes and found out they had a mutual friend in that vocal senior, the one who had said Kyungsoo wasn’t so scary. Now that he was sure he knew at least one other person in Chanyeol’s friend group, Kyungsoo agreed to go out for drinks with them one night.

Chanyeol was ecstatic. He’d been trying to get Kyungsoo to come out with him and his friends for a while. He was super curious about what Kyungsoo would be like when he was drinking. Like, would he talk more? Or get more quiet? Could he drink well or was he a lightweight? These were pressing questions. Also, because she had been asking about it for a while, Chanyeol was going to bring Yeonhee so she could meet Kyungsoo. He didn’t plan on inviting too many people, so that Kyungsoo could be more comfortable, but he definitely wanted them to have a chance to meet.

The bar they planned to meet at was a bit of a favorite of Chanyeol's. They had a really good selection of beers and a super lively vibe. There were a bunch of different bar games to play, like darts and some board games, and on most weekends they played a pretty great mix of music. Usually stuff that was good but not too popular yet but you could tell would blow up soon, exactly what Chanyeol liked.

To ensure that they could get a table big enough for everyone Chanyeol showed up about 30 minutes early. He walked in and waved to the bartender. He came in here enough to be on friendly terms with the staff.  There were only a few other people in the bar at this time, which was what he’d been hoping for. A table near the bar was occupied by what appeared to be a couple and there was someone sitting in one of the booths near the back. He walked over to sit at a different booth when he noticed that person was staring at him. He looked more closely and to his surprise it was Kyungsoo. He walked over and sat down opposite him at the table. He hadn’t immediately recognized him because Kyungsoo was wearing, what he assumed to be, some new, pretty oversized, glasses. Kyungsoo gave him a bemused look and a small laugh.

“I was wondering when you’d notice me.”

“Well can you blame me!” Chanyeol laughed as well. “So you finally broke down and got some glasses. They look good on you.”

Chanyeol had been nagging him to go to the eye doctor and get some for a while. Kyungsoo always came up with a million reason why he shouldn’t; he didn’t really need them, they’re too expensive, they wouldn't even look good on him, etc. Chanyeol knew he just didn't want to deal with the hassle of going. Now seeing him in them he definitely thought the ‘I don’t look good in them,’ excuse was bullshit. Chanyeol called out an order for two beers from the bartender.

“You know I already have a drink right?” Kyungsoo pointed to the half empty glass beside to him.

“Yeah, I figured you’d want a good headstart on everyone else.”

“You’re not wrong.”

Kyungsoo quickly downed what was left of his beer just as the bartender brought two more. Chanyeol took a sip of his beer.

“So why are you here so early?”  

“Oh. I figured you would be.” Kyungsoo said, sipping his own beer, “And to get a headstart.”

Chanyeol took a deeper drink and stared at Kyungsoo for a moment.

“You know, you look really good in glasses. They suit you. And the whole not squinting thing really helps.”

Kyungsoo’s cheek turned a little pink. Is he blushing? Chanyeol thought, or is he just starting to get drunk? Either way the effect of his flushed cheeks and the new glasses was surprisingly cute. Chanyeol found he was staring a bit too hard and quickly looked away. Now he could feel his cheeks getting a bit warm. He grabbed his glass and downed it all in one go, slamming the cup back upside down.

“Okay your turn. One shot!”

Chanyeol looked at Kyungsoo with an inhuman amount of enthusiasm. Kyungsoo smiled, drained his glass and slammed it down in the same manner as Chanyeol.

By the time anyone else showed up to the bar they had both finished another drink and were pretty tipsy. To Chanyeol's surprise the first person to show up was Minseok, the barista from the cafe.

“Ohhhhh,” Kyungsoo said, giggling a little, “I forgot to tell you. I told Minseok to come so I could have someone to talk to when you start ignoring me for Yeonhee.” He stood up and waved Minseok over. The bar had filled up considerably in the half hour they’d been there so Minseok was loitering near the door, having not seen them.

Oh yeah, Yeonhee, Chanyeol thought. He and Kyungsoo had started playing drinking games and for a moment he’d completely forgotten that anyone else was coming. Guiltily, he realized he’d forgot to check up on Yeonhee.

After a quick hello to Minseok, Chanyeol excused himself to go outside to call her. He stood outside the bar and unlocked his phone, noticing that she hadn't answered his last text. Figuring she must not of left yet he dialed her number and called her. It went to voicemail. He decided to try one more time and just leave her a message if she didn't answer. It rang 3 times and she finally picked up.

“Hello.” she said.

“Hello beautiful. It's me. Did you leave yet?”

“Oh wow, ” The background noise was pretty loud. “I totally forgot that was today! It's Seoyeon’s birthday so she's taking out the whole class. We just got here and I think it'd be rude to leave now. I should stick around for a while.”

“Oh...okay. Well you can come here after if you're not too tired.”

“Yeah definitely!” He could hear a voice say something in the background on the other line.

“Oh I have to go! Bye!” she said quickly.

“Oh okay. I lo…”

He cut his sentence short when he realized the call had ended. He had a sinking feeling in his chest. She was usually so good at letting him know when show couldn't make it to something. He tried to shake it off, figured she must have a lot on her mind or something so she just didn't think to call. Finals were coming up, and it was a busy time. Making a mental note to plan to do something relaxing next time they hung out, he walked back into the bar.

He walked back in and noticed that Minseok had stolen his seat across from Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo was laughing at what appeared to be a very dirty joke that Minseok was telling in an animated fashion. Kyungsoo was laughing so hard and smiling with his whole face, his eyes wrinkling up behind his new glasses, his grin so wide you could see almost all of his teeth. He didn’t usually smile like this. Chanyeol couldn’t help but notice again how good he looked today. It’s not like he hadn’t noticed how handsome Kyungsoo was before. But something about today, about the combination of those oversized glasses and his equally oversized sweatshirt, and that wide, bright smile, made Chanyeol notice so much more.

Chanyeol made a detour on the way to the table to stop by the bar and ordered four shots. He threw one back and carried the other three over to the table. Since Minseok had taken his previous seat, and showed no interest in getting up, he slid onto the bench next to Kyungsoo after setting the shots on the table.

“Oh are theses for me?” Minseok gestured to the shots, “I’ve been waiting for you to buy me a drink.”

He pulled all three shots toward himself with a wink. Chanyeol laughed .

“Unfortunately I only got three so we’ll have to share.” He returned Minseok’s wink and put one shot in front of Kyungsoo and one in front of himself.

“Where is everyone else?” Kyungsoo asked, “Will Yeonhee be here soon?”

“Uh, no, not until later maybe.” Chanyeol quickly threw back his shot.

“Hey! We didn’t even toast to anything.” Minseok looked scandalized.

“Oh yeah sorry.” He thought for a moment. “Umm...too… ah! To Kyungsoo finally getting some glasses!”

He pretended to drink again while the other two took their own.

“We should probably slow down for a while.” Kyungsoo said. He was looking at Chanyeol, a bit concerned. “We’re like what? Four in? Let’s take a break.”

“What? How long have you guys been here? I have to catch up.” Minseok stood up quickly and walked over to the bar.

“Get some water too please!” Kyungsoo called after him.

“I hope he heard me.” Kyungsoo settle back into his seat and looked up at Chanyeol. He was squinting at him a little. Not in his usual ‘I can’t see you’ kind of way but more like he was trying to read something in his face.

“Is everything okay? You looked a bit off when you came back in. And you’ve downed two shots in like five minutes.”

“Oh yeah…” Chanyeol was surprised. He hadn’t noticed Kyungsoo had been watching him.

“To be honest… I don’t think Yeonhee is going to come tonight. I’m just a little disappointed.”  He glanced over at Kyungsoo and tried to smile. Kyungsoo put his and on Chanyeol’s arm. His smile was gone and he looked a little sad for him.

“I mean it’s fine.” Chanyeol continued. “I’ll see her later. Too bad you couldn’t meet her today.”

Chanyeol tried to sound as cheerful as possible. Kyungsoo’s hand slid down Chanyeol’s arm to his hand and he gave it a little squeeze.

“It’s fine. I’ll just meet her next time.” He squeezed his hand again and gave him a consoling smile. Chanyeol couldn’t help but smile back. He was starting to feel a little better. Minseok returned to the table and Kyungsoo let go of Chanyeol’s hand. Minseok sat down a  tray full of beer, soju and only one bottle of water.

“Got some water.” He said brightly as he he returned to his seat.

“Yeah I see.” Kyungsoo sighed. “Let split this before we drink anything else.”

He and Chanyeol took turns drinking the water while Minseok made his way through one of the beers. Chanyeol got a text from two of his friends saying they couldn’t make it. He also got one from Jonghyun, the upperclassman, saying he was on his way.

Minseok cracked open the first bottle of soju. They were about halfway through it when Jonghyun showed up.  He sat down in the available seat beside Minseok and shook hands with Chanyeol and Kyungsoo as way of greeting.

“Jonghyun this is Minseok. He’s a friend of Kyungsoo’s.” Chanyeol said as Jonghyun also shook hands with Minseok. Minseok turned towards Jonghyun and looked him up and down.

“Why are all of your friends so cute?” He glanced at Kyungsoo.

“Who knows.” Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, “I guess I’m lucky.”

Jonghyun returned Minseok's look and leaned toward him as well.

“Very lucky.” he said, “So is this a double date or something?”

Kyungsoo looked down and started picking at the sleeve of his sweater. Chanyeol felt his face get warm for some reason.

“Uh no, everyone else canceled. It’s just a coincidence.” Chanyeol found he couldn’t look at anyone. Jonghyun leaned back in his seat and chuckled.

“I was just joking. So what do you want to do?”

Kyungsoo looked up from his sleeve.

“Do you guys want to play a game? I know one that’s pretty fun.”

Everyone looked at him, obviously surprised.

“What? I’m not allowed to know how to have fun?” He glared at them a little.

“No! It’s just surprising. Let’s play whatever it is. I’m sure it’ll be great!” Chanyeol leaned forward, obviously super excited.

“Okay then.” Kyungsoo went over the rules of the game. It was super simple. Basically you create a story by each person contributing one word at a time. The whole sentence or sentences have to be recited before you can add a word. As he finished explaining the rules Minseok poured everyone a fresh shot of soju. Kyungsoo decided to go first. They went around the table to the left. To Kyungsoo’s left was Chanyeol, then Jonghyun, then Minseok.

“Okay I’ll go first. Umm… I.” Kyungsoo began.

“I love.”

“I love to.”

It came back to Kyungsoo.

“I love to drink.”

“I love to drink….ummm…. Coffee.”

“I love to drink coffee but…”

“I like to drink coffee but…”

“Ah wait.” Kyungsoo interrupted Minseok, “It’s ‘I love’ not ‘I like.’ You gotta drink.”

“Oh no!” Minseok said in mock dismay. He drank his shot and Jonghyun poured him another.

“Besides, drinking coffee is great, no ‘buts’ or anything. It was a shitty sentence anyway.” He drank the one Jonghyun just poured. He grabbed the bottle to pour another but it was empty so he opened the second one.

They continued playing for a few more rounds. Jonghyun and Kyungsoo were both very good at the game, and Minseok only lost once more. Chanyeol, on the other hand, was not very good and ended up losing the most. They decided to give up on that game for a while and got up and played some darts and Chanyeol found a guitar somewhere. He tried to get the bartenders to let him play a few songs. They said no. By this time it was getting pretty late. They decided to play one last round of that word game then call it a night. Kyungsoo went first again.

“Chanyeol.” He started.

“Chanyeol loves.” Chanyeol had said some form of the word love whenever he could in every other game. He thought it was funny. Everyone else just thought it was predictable.

“Chanyeol loves…” Jonghyun thought for a second, then with a mischievous smirk said, “Chanyeol loves Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo glared at him from across the table. Chanyeol looked around the room. Now it was Minseok’s turn.

“Chanyeol loves Kyungsoo…. Hmm…. who.” Minseok looked like it was Christmas. He turned to meet Kyungsoo glare and winked. Kyungsoo maintained eye contact. He spoke in a monotone voice.

“Chanyeol loves Kyungsoo too...fuck.” He closed his eyes as his faced turned beet red. He picked up his shot, threw it back and slammed it back down before he opened them again.

“Okay are we done? We should head home.”

Chanyeol looked glanced over at him but Kyungsoo was looking down, away from him. All he could see was the side of face and his very red ears. Chanyeol drank his shot too.

“Yeah let's go home. We’re obviously all getting too drunk.”

“Yeah,” said Minseok, “Obviously.” He still looked like he won the lottery or something.

“You’re right though. It’s getting late and the cafe isn’t going to open itself in the morning.” Minseok stood up to leave.

“I’m going to go too.” Jonghyun stood up as well. He looked at Minseok. “Want to split a cab?”

“Thought you’d never ask.” Minseok linked his arm on Jonghyun’s and and waved back at Chanyeol and Kyungsoo as they left.

“So do you want to split a taxi too?” Chanyeol asked.

“No, actually, it’s okay. I live really close to here. That’s partly why I showed up so early.”

“Oh cool let’s go then.”

They left together and started walking in the direction of Kyungsoo’s place.

“Do you live this way too?” Kyungsoo asked.

“Nah, I just wanted to walk you home.”

Kyungsoo looked  up at him surprised. Chanyeol noticed his look.

“It’s dangerous to walk alone at night.” Chanyeol said. “And we’ve been drinking. You shouldn’t go by yourself.”

“But once I’m home you’ll have to go home alone.”

Chanyeol shrugged. “I’ll call a taxi from your place.”

Kyungsoo looked back down and smiled. Chanyeol pretended to be interested in a streetlight. After a minute he glanced back down at Kyungsoo. They continued walking for a few minutes until they reached Kyungsoo’s place. Chanyeol walked him up to the door and they said goodbye. Chanyeol started dialing for a taxi when Kyungsoo turned back around away from the door.

“You know, my roommate is probably still awake if you want to meet him.”

Chanyeol smiled and looked up from his phone. “Yeah, sounds pretty cool.”

He followed Kyungsoo inside and they went up to his floor. Kyungsoo paused before opening the door.

“Umm, I better go in first. He sometimes likes to wander around naked.”

Kyungsoo opened the door and slipped inside. Chanyeol waited outside for a moment and Kyungsoo opened the door again.

“Come on in.”

Chanyeol stepped through the door into a neat living room. Most of the furniture looked pretty old, but everything seemed orderly. From a door off to of a small hallway came a young man who looked around the same age as Chanyeol and Kyungsoo. He was pulling a t-shirt over his head.

“So you’re Chanyeol!” He walked over and shook Chanyeol’s hand enthusiastically.

“Kyungsoo talks about you all the time! I’m Baekhyun, but I’m sure you know all about me too.”

Chanyeol shot Kyungsoo a look. Kyungsoo just shrugged. Chanyeol didn’t have the heart to tell Baekhyun the Kyungsoo had mentioned him maybe three times in the whole time they’ve known each other and almost always just as ‘my roommate’.

Baekhyun let go of Chanyeol’s hand and walked to the kitchen. When he came back he was carrying three mugs of tea. He motioned for them to sit down around a low table.

“So what did you guys do tonight? Kyungsoo only said you were going out or something.”

“Oh we went to the bar with some friends. Minseok and Jonghyun.”

Baekhyun nearly spit out his tea.

“Minseok?! Kim Minseok??”

He looked at Kyungsoo accusingly.

“And you didn’t tell me?”

Kyungsoo shrugged and took a sip of his tea. “You said you were busy working.”

“ I was just busking. You should have told me.” Baekhyun pouted.

“He...he didn’t leave with anyone right? I bet he was super cute tonight.” He took out his phone and started frantically texting Minseok.

“But really...did he meet anyone tonight? I’ve almost got him to agree to date me.” He sounded a little desperate.

“Umm… he split a cab with Jonghyun on the way home. Jonghyun is a good guy so it’s probably fine.”

Baekhyun stared at Chanyeol through slitted eyes. His phone went off. He checked it quickly and sighed.

“He’s yelling at me for waking him up. Awesome.” He settled back down, looking satisfied. He kept staring at Chanyeol  for a while, and started unconsciously biting his own finger. He turned to look at Kyungsoo.

“You said he was handsome but I didn’t think he was this handsome.” He looked Chanyeol up and down and Chanyeol could swear he saw him lick his lips. Is everyone Kyungsoo knows a shameless flirt? Chanyeol thought to himself. But besides that, Kyungsoo said he was handsome, apparently. He felt a little bit happy about it. He glanced over at Kyungsoo, who was pointedly looking at nothing in particular. Baekhyun continued speaking.

“Too bad you’re seeing someone.” He looked Chanyeol up and down, “Kyungsoo doesn’t often think people are handsome. I mean really, he hasn’t dated anyone since, when was it? Last year of highschool?” He took another sip of tea before going on.

“What was his name anyway? Se… Seho? Sohun?”

“Sehun.” Kyungsoo said.

“Oh yeah he was a year below you right?”

“Yeah.” Kyungsoo replied. He was becoming more curt with every question.

“He was handsome as hell too. And pretty tall.” Baekhyun looked Chanyeol up and down again.

“Yup he was. Don’t you have to go to bed. You should probably do some job searching tomorrow.” Kyungsoo started collecting all the tea mugs.

“I already have a job. I’m an artist.”

Kyungsoo glared at him.

“You’re right. It’s late.” He shook Chanyeol’s hand again. “It was nice to meet you. Come around more often.” He quickly got up and retreated back to his room.

Kyungsoo stopped moving around the mugs, putting them back on the table. He sat back down.

“He uh, likes to talk. A lot. But he’s a pretty good guy.”

“Yeah, he seems nice.”

There was a pause.

“So you think I’m handsome.” Chanyeol said teasingly.

“Well you are.” Kyungsoo looked right in his eyes. Chanyeol’s cheeks flushed, a bit pink.

“Thank you.” He said. And after a moment, “You’re handsome too. Really.” He knew his face was probably super red.

“I should probably get going.” He quickly stood up from the table. One of his knees caught on the corner of the table  on his way up, nearly flipping it over. Iy knocked over the mugs of f tea that were still on the table .

“Oh my gosh I’m sorry!” Chanyeol said. He righted the mug closest to him but there was already tea all over the place.

“It’s fine.” Kyungsoo started picking up the other two mugs. “Can you grab a towel from the kitchen?”

“Of course!” Chanyeol walked quickly into the kitchen. For a moment he was startled by how different this room was from the one he just left. Sure, the living room was neat, but the kitchen was immaculate. The counters were so clean they almost gleamed and the cookware not only all matched but looked super well kept. He grabbed a towel from near the sink and went back out into the living room. He mopped up the tea and helped Kyungsoo carry the mugs back to the kitchen.

“Your kitchen is super nice.” Chanyeol gestured around the room.

“Oh thank you. That’s why we picked this place, it’s a little expensive but this kitchen is roomy.”

“Do you and Baekhyun like to cook?”

Kyungsoo smiled a little.

“Yeah. I do. It’s kind of a hobby of mine.”

“That’s awesome!” Chanyeol seemed enthused. “I like cooking too. My mom owns a restaurant and I sometimes help out. It’s fun.”

Kyungsoo also looked excited. “That’s really cool.”

“My pasta is really good.” Chanyeol looked proud.

“That’s amazing, I can only really make Korean food.”

“I’ll teach you next time.” He smiled at Kyungsoo. For the second time that night Kyungsoo had that eye wrinkling, full face smile.

Kyungsoo walked him all the way downstairs and waited with him for his taxi. They agreed to meet up for coffee next week and study for finals. But it would be more than two weeks before Kyungsoo would see him again.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kyungsoo hadn’t heard from Chanyeol for a while. At first he figure he was just busy with finals. But even a week after finals were finished Chanyeol still hadn’t returned his calls or messages. Even Minseok was worried. Chanyeol had had a habit of coming to the cafe even when he wasn’t meeting Kyungsoo and he hadn’t seen him either. Kyungsoo was beginning to worry that maybe he had done something wrong.

On Christmas Eve, while he was walking home from his part-time job he got a text. He was so shocked he felt like his heart stopped for a moment. It was from Chanyeol. All it said was:

“Sorry. Are you free to talk?” He answered back right away.  

“Yes, whenever.” His heart was pounding. He was nervous about whatever Chanyeol wanted to talk about, but he was also so relieved to hear from him. Chanyeol was answering back fairly quickly.

“Can we meet at your place later?”

“Yes that’s fine.”

“Okay see you then.” Kyungsoo didn’t know what to say so he didn’t answer back.  Kyungsoo hurried home and was relieved to find that Baekhyun wasn’t there. Him texted him to see when he’d be home. Baekhyun said he was busking in Hongdae and since it was Christmas Eve it was busy and he figured he wouldn’t be home for a while. So Kyungsoo waited. He was nervous.

Not knowing what else to do he started making cookies. He would sometimes bake when he was nervous. In fact, he _only_ would bake when he was nervous. He was pulling out the last tray of cookies from the oven and debating whether to make a banana bread too when he heard a knock at the door. He put down the cookies and quickly went to answer the door. On the other side was Chanyeol, of course, standing in the hallway holding a black plastic convenience store bag. He looked a bit nervous and his messy hair looked like he’d hastily tried to smooth it down. When he saw Kyungsoo he smiled a little sheepishly.

“Hey.” he said.

“Hey.” Kyungsoo replied. Now that he actually saw him he found he was a little bit angry. He didn’t return the smile. He also didn’t step back to let Chanyeol in.

“Uh, long time no see.” Chanyeol looked even more nervous.

“Yeah.” Kyungsoo could tell he was glaring but couldn’t be bother to give a fuck at that moment. It was becoming apparent to him exactly how worried he’d been. He knew it didn’t really make sense but now that he could see Chanyeol wasn’t dead or hurt he was pretty pissed. Since they were just friends it felt irrational but he couldn’t help it. He tried to smooth out his face and stepped back to let Chanyeol in. Chanyeol walked over to the table and set down his convenience store bag. It clinked lightly.

“I brought some Christmas cheer.” he said.  Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow.

“It’s alcohol.”

“Oh. Okay.” Kyungsoo replied. He walked into the kitchen and grabbed some glasses. When he came back out Chanyeol still hadn’t sat down. He was looking out the window. It had begun to snow and there was about a dusting accumulated outside. He looked over at Kyungsoo when he came back in. Kyungsoo noticed tears in his eyes. He immediately felt any anger he had dissipate. Kyungsoo sat the glasses on the table and walked to stand by Chanyeol at the window.

“What’s wrong?”

Chanyeol looked away from him and stared out the window.

“Yeonhee. She uh. She broke up with me.” He spoke to the window. Tears started to fall down his cheeks. Kyungsoo grabbed his wrist with one hand and his waist with the other. He led him to the sofa and gently pushed him to sit down. Chanyeol wiped the tears on his face away with his sleeve. Kyungsoo sat down next to him and waited for him to go on. Chanyeol took a deep breath and continued, still speaking to the window.

“It was last week, right after finals. She said she intended to do it sooner but she didn’t want to distract me before finals.” He paused, his eyes were watering again.

“Umm, so I tried to get her to tell me why, you know? ‘Cause we’ve been dating since high school and everything.” Tears started streaming down his face again. Kyungsoo grabbed one of his hands in both of his. Chanyeol took a big gulp of breath, like it was hard to breathe.

“Turns out she was seeing someone else. For a while now. That’s why she didn’t show up the other night.” His face was really wet now. Kyungsoo moved to get up and grab a tissue but Chanyeol grabbed his hand tight. He finally turned to look at Kyungsoo.

“Why would she do that? I thought… I thought she loved me too. I thought I did everything right? I don’t know what went wrong.” He finally broke into sobs, keeping a tight hold in Kyungsoo’s hand. Kyungsoo let him cry and squeezed his hand back. After a few minutes he calmed down. He wiped his face on the sleeve of his free arm.

They sat like that for a while. Tears continued streaming down Chanyeol’s face, although he’d stopped sobbing. Kyungsoo gently extracted his hand from Chanyeol’s. He walk over to a desk on the other side of the room and grabbed a tissue box. He walked back to the sofa and set the tissue box on the floor, grabbing a handful before he did. Instead of sitting back down he stood in front of Chanyeol. He folded the tissues together and put his hand under Chanyeol’s chin, lifting his face so Chanyeol had to look at him. Using the tissues he wiped the tears off of half of Chanyeol face, while looking him square in the eye.

“I don’t know why she did that.” He moved to the other side of Chanyeol’s face.

“But I know you didn’t do anything wrong. You loved her, everyone knows how much you loved her.” Tears continued to fall down Chanyeol’s face and Kyungsoo wiped them all as the came, the whole while staring right into Chanyeol’s eyes.

“Sometimes it’s not enough though. No matter how hard you love someone you can’t make them love you back. Maybe she didn’t want your love anymore or she just stopped feeling the same way.” Chanyeol sobbed a little and tried to look away. Kyungsoo held fast and wouldn’t let him turn his head.

“And.” He said, loud enough to make Chanyeol look back at him

“And, it’s her loss. You love harder than anyone else I’ve ever met. I… envy you for that sometimes. But I’m sure you’ll fall in love again, and that person will be lucky” He finally let go of Chanyeol’s face. He threw out the used tissues and reached down to grab more. He sat back down next to Chanyeol again.

“I know this all sounds cliched but, seriously, you’ll be alright. I promise.” He wiped Chanyeol’s face one more time and pulled him into a hug. He held him while Chanyeol cried a little more. His long arms encircled Kyungsoo completely, and Kyungsoo patted his head. Eventually Chanyeol pulled back.

“It’s okay, I’m alright now.” he said with a sniffle. Kyungsoo handed him more tissues and Chanyeol wiped the rest of the tears from his face.

“Thank you. I really needed to talk to someone and you’re the only person I thought I could stand talking to right now.”

“Anytime. Really.” Kyungsoo smiled and Chanyeol smiled back.

“So do you want some cookies?” Kyungsoo asked suddenly. “I made a lot of them.”

“Yeah, cookies would be great.” Chanyeol was speaking softly, and seemed to be exhausted from crying. Kyungsoo went into the kitchen and came back with a plate piled with various kinds of cookies. He sat the plate down on the table and gave a cookie to Chanyeol.

“Here, try it.”

Chanyeol took a bite. “Wow these are amazing.”

“Thanks, I made them while I was waiting. I was really worried about you.”

Chanyeol sat down his half eaten cookie.

“I’m really sorry about disappearing like that. Things got a little crazy and when I’m down like this I find it hard to reach out to other people.” He looked down, embarrassed.

“It’s okay. I understand. I was just worried.”

“I promise next time something happens I’ll tell you right away.”

Kyungsoo chuckled a little. “You can if you want to. I just like to know you’re okay.”

He looked out the window, where the snow was falling at an alarming rate.

“I think… I think you’re my best friend. I’m not sure when that happened but I care about you a lot.” He looked back at Chanyeol.

“You’re my best friend too.” He squeezed Kyungsoo’s hand.

“Okay!” Chanyeol stood up suddenly. “I don’t want to be sad anymore.”

He walked over to the window and looked out to the street.

“Oh wow it’s snowing a lot. I was going to suggest we go get dinner or something. It might not be the best idea.”

Kyungsoo walked over and looked out too. Quite a few centimeters had accumulated in such a short time and the air was almost white from the amount of snowing filling it. It was definitely a blizzard now.

“If you’re hungry I’ve got some side dishes in the refrigerator and I can make some soup or something.”

“That sounds great. It’ll be nice to try your cooking.” Chanyeol was starting to look slightly more cheerful.

They went into the kitchen to start cooking. Kyungsoo had Chanyeol chop up vegetables while he started the rice. After he finished the cutting Chanyeol just hung back and watched Kyungsoo. He liked the way he confidently handled cooking. The soup itself was fairly simple and done in no time. They took everything out to the living room and ate while watching the snow fall.

After dinner Chanyeol insisted on doing the washing up. When he was finished they settled back down at the table and picked at some of the cookies.

“Is Baekhyun coming home soon?” Chanyeol asked.

“Good question.” Kyungsoo checked his phone. It was about ten o’clock now. He also had a text from Baekhyun. It read:

“Heeeeeyyyyy~ Ran into Minseok and it started snowing like crazy! I’m going to stay at his place tonight~~ Don’t wait up honey ;).”

Kyungsoo stared blankly at his phone for a moment then put it face down on the table.

“Baekhyun won’t be coming home tonight.”

“Oh so he had a date for Christmas? Lucky guy.”

“Yeah I guess so.”

“I’m glad I ended up here. We’d… always go out on Christmas Eve.” Chanyeol was looking sadly out the window. Kyungsoo looked inside the convenience store bag and pulled out a bottle of soju. He poured them each a glass.

“Let’s drink some of this ‘Christmas cheer.’ We can stay up and wait for Christmas to actually get here.”

Kyungsoo took his shot of soju and Chanyeol followed suit. He poured them each another. 

“You can stay here tonight if you want. You might have to at the rate it’s snowing. You can sleep in Baekhyun’s room, which I wouldn’t recommend, or stay out here.” 

Chanyeol smiled at him gratefully. “Yeah that would be nice. I don’t really want to struggle through the snow.” With that in mind they decided to go ahead and drink all four bottles of soju Chanyeol had brought. They drank shot by shot, watching the snow pile up outside. Somewhere around halfway through the third bottle Chanyeol had the idea that they should make a blanket fort. Kyungsoo had drank just enough to think it was a fucking rad idea. He went to gather every blanket and sheet in the apartment while Chanyeol rearranged the sofa cushions and furniture. After about an hour or so they had a pretty bitchin’ blanket fort. They padded the inside with pillows and blankets and climbed in. Chanyeol had to fold his legs because they were too long, but Kyungsoo fit perfectly. They laid in the fort eating cookies and drinking more soju. Eventually the conversation turned to relationships. 

“You know what.” Chanyeol said, taking another sip of soju, right from the bottle. “She wasn’t even my first love. My first love was like, in the third grade. We both really liked animals. It was great.” He drank again. “It was so simple. What about you? Who was yours?”

Kyungsoo thought about it for a moment. 

“I’m not really sure. I think maybe I’ve liked people before but I don’t think I’ve felt anything like love.”

“What about that guy? The one Baekhyun mentioned. Sehun right?”

“Oh I cared about him a lot, but I wouldn’t say he was my first love. He wasn’t even the first person I dated.”

“Who was the first?”

Kyungsoo wasn’t sure how much he wanted to say. He felt like whenever he talked about dating and stuff like that people would get too confused and it would turn into too long of a conversation.

“The first was this girl I was in choir with. In the beginning of highschool.”

“Oh so you’re bi?” Chanyeol looked excited about this for some reason. 

“Well, not necessarily.”

“Ohhh, so this was before you knew you were gay?”

“Well, no. I don’t really think I like either particularly. I’m ace.” Kyungsoo looked out the window, feeling a little awkward. He really hated having this conversation. 

“Ace?” 

“Yeah. You know, asexual.”

“Ohhhhhhhhhh. Okay. that makes sense.”

Kyungsoo looked back at him a little surprised. That’s a different reaction, he thought.

“It does?”

“Yeah. Like in all the time I’ve known you you haven’t seemed to show any interest in anyone.” Chanyeol shrugged “So like, does that mean you can’t fall in love.”

Of course Chanyeol would ask the difficult questions, Kyungsoo thought again. He paused and thought about his answer.

“I don’t think that I  _ can’t _ fall in love. I like to think that maybe I just haven’t met the right person yet. I don’t think I’m aromantic or anything. I have had crushes before, just nothing serious.”

Chanyeol nodded like he understood. He took another sip from the bottle.

“So you don’t have sex ever?” It was a bold question, definitely a reflection of how drunk he was getting. 

“I have. Before. Both times in high school. I tried the first time with my girlfriend and it was fine I guess but I wasn’t super into it. So I thought that maybe I was gay. That’s why I dated Sehun later. And I did care about him a lot. But sex felt the same so that’s when I figured out I just wasn’t into  _ that _ part of it.”

“That sounds rough dude.” Chanyeol was staring at him sympathetically. Kyungsoo just shrugged.

“Honestly, it’s actually pretty okay. The no sex thing itself doesn’t bother me at all. But trying to date is hard.” He took the bottle from Chanyeol and took a long sip.

“But,” he continued. “I think if I did find someone I loved having sex wouldn’t be so bad. At least I hope.” He finished off that bottle and Chanyeol opened the last one. He took a sip and handed it to Kyungsoo.

“So you only want to be with your true love? That’s fucking beautiful man. Whoever that is is lucky.” Kyungsoo laughed at that.

“Thanks dude.” He took another sip. He was really starting to feel it so he decided not to drink anymore. He gave the bottle back to Chanyeol who took a long drink. 

Since every blanket and pillow in the apartment was in the pillow fort they both were going to sleep out in the living room. Kyungsoo got up and turned of the light and crawled back into the fort. Chanyeol had already laid down and curled up around an extra pillow, his knees curled almost into his chest. He’d downed the rest of the soju. 

Kyungsoo settled in, looking out the window. The blinds were still open and light from the streetlamp was streaming in. He was feeling too lazy to get up in close it. He put an arm over his eyes and tried to go to sleep. He was starting to feel relaxed and like he might drift off at any moment when he heard Chanyeol say something. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t catch that.”

“I’m not really straight either you know.” Chanyeol repeated. His voice was very quiet, but Kyungsoo could hear a slur in it. “Like I was dating a girl but I don’t only like girls.” Kyungsoo was quiet for a while, not knowing what to say.

“Umm, thanks for telling me.” He looked over and saw that Chanyeol had already fallen asleep. He grabbed a blanket and pulled it over Chanyeol and his pillow. Chanyeol cuddled closer to the pillow. Kyungsoo laid back facing Chanyeol and went back to trying to fall asleep. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After Christmas they resumed with meeting at the cafe and at school regularly. In fact they began spending pretty much all their free time together. They even started sharing studio space together. The first time they did was more out of necessity than a desire to. 

It was during the first week of the spring semester, when everyone was working on their first few projects for class. Kyungsoo always booked his studios for the week well ahead of time so he actually had one one booked for that week. Chanyeol, on the other hand, was usually more last minute when it came to booking a studio, so when they went in together to go work separately he found that they were all booked up. Even though Kyungsoo usually prefered to work alone he figured it wouldn’t hurt to share a studio with Chanyeol one time so he told Chanyeol they could just share. Chanyeol, who figured he’d just have to go home for the night, was elated. He actually hadn’t heard Kyungsoo sing yet. Kyungsoo didn’t perform publicly very often and they never really practiced together before, not even when they were in class together. 

They decided to split up their time, with one person recording while the other worked on editing or something else. After a game of rock, paper, scissors they started setting up. Since Kyungsoo had won he got to record first. He went into the recording booth and Chanyeol stayed in the control room. Chanyeol didn’t even pretend that he was going to work. Kyungsoo was actually a little grateful there was someone else there to press record in the booth for once. He nodded at Chanyeol to signal  he was ready and Chanyeol started the track. The song was a love song from a fairly popular pop rock band. It had a kind of jazzy feel that suited Kyungsoo’s voice, which was clear and steady but still had a warm quality to it. He sang almost the whole song with his eyes closed, pouring as much emotion as he could into every note. This is only practice? Chanyeol thought. He was really impressed. His own singing voice was nice, but he felt like Kyungsoo was on another level. To top it all off he also looked so happy while he sang. Even though his eyes were closed his face was so animated and radiated a joy he didn’t usually openly exhibit. When he finished the song Kyungsoo opened his eyes. Chanyeol was in the control room, almost jumping with excitement. Kyungsoo left the booth and went back into the control room as well. 

“So how was I?” he asked. Chanyeol was almost vibrating with excitement. 

“You’re amazing!” Chanyeol grabbed his hands. He was bouncing a little. Kyungsoo just smiled at him. He’d kind of went all out on that song, really wanting to impress Chanyeol. Since he didn’t actually perform in front of others too often he couldn’t help but be a little nervous. That was why he had his eyes closed the whole time. He didn’t think he could stand singing that song with Chanyeol looking right at him.

“Can I get a copy of that?” Chanyeol asked. 

“I haven’t even listened to it yet. It might be no good.”

“Oh trust me it’s perfect.”

“I’ll decide after I listen to it.” Kyungsoo laughed a little and Chanyeol smiled at him. Kyungsoo was relieved. It seemed like he was finally starting to really cheer up from the break-up. Even after Christmas he had been really down for a week or two but was gradually returning to his cheerful self. 

“It’s your turn.” Kyungsoo sat down on one of the chairs. “I’ll just be out here listening to my playback.”

“No!” Chanyeol looked distressed. “You have to hear my new song okay!”

Kyungsoo tried not to laugh. Of course he was going to listen, he just wanted to get a rise out him. These days he found he couldn’t help teasing Chanyeol whenever he had the chance. Kyungsoo would only behave like this with people he was really comfortable with and he honestly felt his most comfortable with Chanyeol. 

Kyungsoo also figured that Chanyeol’s main reason for being so excited to work together was so that he could get Kyungsoo to listen to his songs. Chanyeol had almost everyone he knew listen to his stuff at least once. He liked a lot of feedback and had a habit of giving a CD’s full of his songs away. Often time’s he’d have Kyungsoo and Minseok listen to his stuff when they were the only ones who happened to be in the cafe. By now they’d probably heard everything he’d written. He never told him, but Minseok actually liked a few of his songs and would play them in the cafe even when he and Kyungsoo weren’t there. 

Chanyeol picked up his guitar and went into the booth. This was his first demo if this particular song, so he decided to just record vocal and guitar together. He settled onto a stool in the booth, holding his guitar pick in his lips. He gave Kyungsoo the thumbs up to begin recording. The intro to the song was all finger picking and he continued holding the pick in his mouth.  He smoothly grabbed the pick and started playing cords as he moved into the first verse. It seemed that this new song was a bittersweet love song. Love was one of Chanyeol’s favorite subject matters to write about and probably a good half of the songs he wrote were about it. Kyungsoo figured this one must be about Yeonhee. His last song had been a pretty devastated break up song. This song, though, seemed more like it was about struggling with falling in love. He figured he must have circled back to memories of the beginning of their relationship. 

In comparison to Kyungsoo’s smooth and controlled voice Chanyeol’s was rougher but still contained a lot of similar warmth. He also kept his eyes open most of the time, looking through the glass between the booth and control room. Kyungsoo tried to look encouraging, but the song, combined with the intensity of Chanyeol’s gaze, was making his face feel warm. Even when he was singing the corners of Chanyeol’s mouth curled up into a smile. By the end of the song Kyungsoo couldn’t help but smile back. 

They ended up spending the rest of the time playing around and not really getting anything else done, mostly just listening to Chanyeol’s mixtape. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

By the time it was February they had made a habit of going to the studio together. Chanyeol talked Kyungsoo into singing on a bunch of tracks and, even though he hadn’t told him this, wrote a lot of songs just for him. Kyungsoo found he really enjoyed singing with Chanyeol. Usually he liked to sing alone, but his and Chanyeol’s voices actually blended together well and he couldn’t help but enjoy it. He didn’t want to admit it out loud, but he also liked having an excuse to spend even more time with Chanyeol. He’d really meant it when he said that Chanyeol was his best friend. It had been a long time since he felt the actual desire to be close to someone like that. Kyungsoo had genuinely felt that with the few friends he had and his family he could be really happy. And he had been, for while. But after meeting and getting to know Chanyeol he felt as if he had to see him, had to physically interact with him. If he didn’t he began, much to his dismay, actually feel lonely. He figured this was due to the strength of their friendship. 

Unfortunately, Seollal was around the corner so chances to hang out with Chanyeol became slim. They had gone home to visit their families for the holiday. Even though both of their families lived in the city, they were too busy to have anytime to get away and see each other. But, they did text each other as much as possible. 

One day, towards the end of the break while, Kyungsoo was still staying at his families place, he got a text asking if he could come over to check out a new song Chanyeol had written during the holiday. Chanyeol had already returned to his own apartment after the holiday.

Kyungsoo hadn’t actually been to Chanyeol’s place yet, but he did have an idea of where it was so he headed there. Chanyeol had a one room close to the school’s campus, much closer than Kyungsoo’s place was. He arrived at Chanyeol’s place and knocked on a door he hoped was his. A second after his knock he started to be afraid that he got the wrong place and was fighting the urge to run away. He poised to leave if it was a stranger. To his relief the door opened a moment later to reveal Chanyeol’s smiling face. 

“You made it so fast!” Chanyeol continued beaming at Kyungsoo.

“Yeah, I wasn’t really doing anything.” Kyungsoo smiled back, even though he thought Chanyeol’s smile was a little bit too bright. Chanyeol just kept smiling from his doorway, definitely being weird.

“So can I come in or are we going to listen to your song out here?”

“Oh wow, yeah, sorry!” Chanyeol sprang back so Kyungsoo could come inside. Kyungsoo glanced around as he entered Chanyeol’s small apartment. On one side was a bed and some other furniture. The other side appeared to be a mini studio. There was a keyboard, a guitar and a pretty nice mic set-up. Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow at Chanyeol.

“So if you have all this stuff here,” he nodded towards the equipment, “then why do got to school to recorder so often.”

“Oh.” Chanyeol shrugged. “I guess because the school’s equipment is better, and I like being able to get out pretty often.”

“Okay.” Kyungsoo shook his head a little. If he’d had all this stuff at his apartment he would probably almost never leave home and be happy about it. They stood in silence for a moment. 

“So…” Kyungsoo spoke first. “You wrote a new song? Can I hear it?”

“Oh yeah, definitely.” Chanyeol was fidgeting a little, and picking at the hem of his t-shirt. 

“Um, but first, could we talk about something, for a minute.”

“Yeah of course. What’s up? Is everything okay?” Chanyeol didn’t look like anything was wrong, but Kyungsoo couldn’t help feeling immediately worried.

“Oh yeah everything's fine! It’s just something that’s been on my mind. Do you want to sit down?” They had both just been standing in the middle of the room. Kyungsoo sat on the edge of Chanyeol’s bed and Chanyeol pulled up the chair from the desk to sit across from him. He didn’t immediately say anything, and continued to fidget with his shirt.

“So what’s up??” Kyungsoo was getting impatient. 

“Sorry, yeah, I’m just a little crazy today.” He laughed nervously. “Um… do you want something to drink?”

“No, I’m fine. Please just tell me what’s going on.” Kyungsoo was beginning to feel anxious. 

Chanyeol took a deep breath and looked around the room. He was quiet and closed his eyes for a moment. Oh my god, Kyungsoo suddenly thought, is he going to tell me he started seeing Yeonhee again or something. He felt a prickle of anger at the thought. 

“So, you know, I really like you.”  Chanyeol was still looking around the room. Kyungsoo looked at him confused, trying to figure out where this was going, and still feeling a bit irked. 

“Yeah.” He replied. “I like you too. You’re my best friend, remember?” 

“Yeah and you’re mine too.” Chanyeol had finally started to look at him, although he couldn’t seem to completely look him in the eye. He seemed nervous. He continued speaking.

“The thing is, the way I like you is, uh, different from that. What I mean to say is, well, these days...” He paused, and his face was getting pretty pink. Kyungsoo stared at him, not angry anymore. He could see where this was going.

“What I mean is, I really like you, a lot. As more than a friend.” Chanyeol’s face was bright red by now, and he still wasn’t looking directly at Kyungsoo. Before Kyungsoo could say anything Chanyeol continued quickly. 

“And I know you don’t really date and stuff, and romance isn’t really your thing but I can’t help it. I like you.” He finally looked at Kyungsoo. “I like you.”

He looked into Kyungsoo’s face trying to find a reaction, but it had been blank the whole time. 

“I’m sorry.” Chanyeol looked down, and his eyes were getting misty. “I just couldn’t not tell you anymore. I’m okay with just being friends, but I just needed to get that out.” The mistiness turned into real tears, barely hanging onto his eyelashes. Kyungsoo just looked at him, trying to process his shock.

“It’s fine really.” Chanyeol looked down at his hands as the tears lost their hold on his eyelashes and he began crying freely.

Kyungsoo stared at him a moment longer, a smile starting to form on his lips. 

“Why are you crying?” There was a bit of a laugh in his voice. 

“Why do you think!” Chanyeol started wiping the tears from his face. “It sucks confessing to someone who doesn’t like you back.”

Kyungsoo chuckled a little. “Who says I don’t like you?”

“I don’t mean as a friend!” Chanyeol seemed like he couldn’t stop crying, but he kept wiping away his tears as he looked back up away from his hands. 

“But it’s okay though. I’ll be okay.” He still couldn’t look at Kyungsoo, so he didn’t notice the other man smiling. 

Kyungsoo stood up and put his hands on the arms of Chanyeol’s chair. He leaned down, his face right in front of Chanyeol’s and looked him in the eyes. 

“Who says I don’t like you?” He grabbed Chanyeol’s face with both hands and kissed him pulling back before Chanyeol could do anything, his tearstained face a mask of wide eyed shock. 

“I like you too. I can’t help it either.” He let go of Chanyeol’s face and  sat back down, his face now almost as red. 

“Really?” Chanyeol was still a bit shocked. “You like me too?”

“Yes really. So please don’t cry.” 

Chanyeol quickly wiped the rest of the tears from his face. Now that he realized he wasn’t being rejected he started to brighten up.

“So does that mean we could start dating?”

Kyungsoo’s smile faltered a little. 

“I like the way things are…”

“It won’t be any different, I promise! I just...I want you to be… I don’t know” Chanyeol looked away from Kyungsoo again. 

“Honestly…” His voice got quiet. “Honestly I think I love you.”

“Chanyeol…” Kyungsoo felt like there was something in his throat.

“I know. I shouldn’t say that. It’s too early, but that's how it is.”

Kyungsoo didn’t say anything and looked down at his hands.

“If that’s too much it’s okay.” Chanyeol was speaking quickly. “If you like me the same, even just a little that’s enough.” He got up and sat down next to Kyungsoo, taking one of his small hands in his.

“It’s okay. It can be how you like.” He shook his hand gently.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Chanyeol tried to smile, but the edge of emotion way creeping back into his voice. He touched Kyungsoo’s face, trying to make him look up. Kyungsoo finally spoke.

“No, I’m sorry.” He stared at his hand in Chanyeol’s. He took a breath. 

“It’s just… Dating… doesn’t seem to work so well, and I like you so much I don’t want it to get ruined.” He squeezed Chanyeol’s hand and finally looked at him. He took another breath to steady himself. 

“Let’s try it. Let’s just try and if it doesn’t work promise we can still be friends” 

“Okay,” Chanyeol pressed his head against Kyungsoo’s. “Promise.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They had been dating for about a month by the time White Day rolled around. Kyungsoo was a hundred percent certain that Chanyeol was planning something huge for the holiday, something more than just candy. Since they had missed Valentine’s Day by about a week, he knew that whatever Chanyeol was planning would be beyond extra to make up for it. He hoped it wasn’t going to be something dramatic like a huge public confession. 

Chanyeol, as promised, had not tried to push Kyungsoo into anything and for that Kyungsoo was grateful. He was touched by his sensitivity, but also worried. In their month of dating they hadn’t done much of anything beyond holding hands and the occasional kiss, but Kyungsoo could tell Chanyeol wanted more. He knew he would never say it, and was holding back on Kyungsoo’s account. Even though Chanyeol seemed fine, Kyungsoo was still worried he was disappointing him. He came to the decision that he should try and move them to the next level and he figured White Day was as good a time as any. 

White Day came and as expected Chanyeol had planned multiple events. He reserved Minseok’s entire cafe and played Kyungsoo a new song he wrote just for him. He’d decorated the whole place with hearts and candy. Minseok made a cup of his favorite coffee before he disappeared so they could have the place truly to themselves. Chanyeol had bought three different cakes, unsure of what flavor Kyungsoo would prefer. They spent the morning eating cake and singing songs together, and Kyungsoo gave Chanyeol a huge box of homemade chocolate cookies. 

Afterwards then went to Chanyeol’s place for lunch. Chanyeol made them both his favorite pasta, trying his hardest to make it taste the same as when his mom makes it. Kyungsoo shadowed him the whole time. It was obvious that Chanyeol had made this recipe often before, he didn’t seem to need to measure anything and it was finished pretty quickly. Kyungsoo thought the pasta was perfect even though Chanyeol said his mom’s was still better. After lunch they  decided to just killed time hanging out at Chanyeol’s place.

“So we have some free time until our dinner reservation. What do you want to do?” Chanyeol asked, after they finished cleaning up. 

“How many things do you have planned for today?” Kyungsoo asked incredulously. 

“Just a few more.” Chanyeol winked as he sat down in his desk chair. “So what do you want to do? We can play Mario Kart or watch a movie.”

Kyungsoo sat down on the bed. His palms were getting a little sweaty and he wiped them on his jeans. He leaned back a little and put, what he thought, was a come hither look on his face.

“We could, uh, do something fun.”  His attempt to sound seductive failed.

“Okay awesome, Mario Kart it is.” Chanyeol spun his chair around to set up his game system.  Kyungsoo got up from the bed and stopped him before he actually turned it on. He spun his chair back around and leaned down close to him.

“Uh, let’s try something else.” Kyungsoo quickly wiped his palms on his jeans one more time then grabbed Chanyeol’s face and kissed him. He pulled Chanyeol up from his chair and pushed him to sit on the bed. Chanyeol looked up at him, shocked.

“Something else?”

“Yeah.” Kyungsoo put his hand under Chanyeol’s chin and pulled him into another kiss while he positioned himself on top of him. He moved his hand behind Chanyeol’s head while he continued to kiss him. Chanyeol was confused by this turn of events but quickly gave in to the moment. They had made out a few times before, just for a little while, and always with Chanyeol making the first move. He figured that this was part of Kyungsoo’s White day gift and he was thrilled. He put his hands on Kyungsoo’s waist and tugged down on his hips so he was sitting directly on top of him instead of just hovering above. Chanyeol always wanted to kiss him like this, touch him like this, but held back because he didn’t want to make Kyungsoo uncomfortable. But the way Kyungsoo was coming on so strong was making it harder to hold back. He slid one hand up Kyungsoo shirt, feeling the smooth skin of his waist. Realizing what he was doing he jerked he face away from Kyungsoo’s. 

“I’m sorry, is this okay.” He looked up into Kyungsoo’s face, taking in in his flushed cheeks and red lips. 

“It’s fine,” Kyungsoo kissed his face. “We can do anything you want.” He leaned down and kissed the side of Chanyeol’s neck while his hand moved down to the waistband of Chanyeol’s jeans. He tried to undo his belt with one hand but had a hard time. Chanyeol grabbed his hand.

“No, it’s okay. We don’t have to do anything, just kissing is okay.” He pulled his hand out from under Kyungsoo’s shirt and reached up to touch his face but Kyungsoo had already slid off his lap onto the floor.  He gently pushed Chanyeol’s other hand off of the belt and undid it with both of his.

“I want to do this. If you don’t want to, I’ll stop if you ask. But right now I want to try, so please let me.”

Chanyeol nodded and moved his hands back so that Kyungsoo could do what he intended. Kyungsoo hoped his hands weren’t shaking too much, he was nervous. The last time he’d done anything like this was in highschool, and he really hadn’t known what he was doing back then. He wanted to do better this time, for Chanyeol. The whole last week he’d spent looking up tips on what he should do, even though none of it had seemed helpful. But he felt as prepared as he’d ever be. 

He ran his fingers over the firm bulge in Chanyeol’s jeans. It was so warm. He pressed his lips against the rough fabric and looked up at Chanyeol. Chanyeol was staring back at him, biting his lower lip and a flush was spreading across his cheeks. Kyungsoo looked back down, his own face becoming red. He unzipped Chanyeol’s pants, pulling them down far enough for him to be able to get his hand around his cock. It was very warm, almost too warm and so hard it arched gently upwards. He ran his fingers over the warm surface, pulling the foreskin gently back to reveal the dark pink head.

Kyungsoo closed his eyes for a moment, trying to remember everything he remembered from his reading. His eyes opened again as he ran his tongue over the tip, gauging Chanyeol’s reaction. To his gratification he saw that the larger man had his head tilted back and he moaned softly as Kyungsoo put more of his dick into his mouth. Okay so what’s next? He thought.  He swished his tongue around the tip and pushed as much into his mouth as he could. He kind of overshot at first and almost choked but quickly moved his head back before he could gag. Chanyeol moaned at the quick movement. Kyungsoo kept it up, being careful to not push too far into his throat. He used one of his small hands to work up and down the base, keeping time with his mouth. Chanyeol gently put his hand on Kyungsoo’s head, his hips compulsively moving. Kyungsoo looked back up and saw that Chanyeol’s eyes were completely closed now and he was making even more noise. Precum coated his mouth as Chanyeol’s cock began to gently pulsate. He quickened his pace despite the growing stiffness in his neck. Just as he thought he couldn’t keep it up any longer Chanyeol grabbed his hair tightly.

“Ah, Kyungsoo, I…”

Kyungsoo looked up at him, and processed what that meant a moment too late. He was on a down thrust as cum filled his mouth. It hit the back of his throat and he pulled back quickly, trying not to choke. It tasted bitter and unfamiliar. He was unsure of what to do with it. The internet had suggested stopping before his partner came in his mouth so he could finish elsewhere, but it was obviously too late for that. Chanyeol quickly scrambled up and grabbed a trash can for him to spit into. Even after the taste still permeated his mouth. 

Chanyeol sat back down on the bed. He pulled Kyungsoo up off the floor and onto the bed beside him. Kyungsoo was surprised how tired he was and how much his neck hurt. His jaw hurt even more. Chanyeol kissed his face.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to cum in your mouth.” He kept kissing all over Kyungsoo’s face.

“No it’s okay.”

He was really tired. He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Chanyeol’s. Chanyeol pulled him into another kiss, gently pushing him into the mattress, his hands moving back underneath Kyungsoo’s clothes. He kissed down his neck while one of his large hands unbuttoned Kyungsoo’s pants. Kyungsoo squirmed a little and one of his hands twitched to stop him.

“You don’t need to do that. It’s fine if it’s just you.”

“Please.” Chanyeol’s deep voice was low and breathy. “Just a little please, let me touch you.” He pressed his head against Kyungsoo’s again. “Please.”

Kyungsoo closed his eyes. He reached up and put his hands on both sides of Chanyeol’s face and kissed him, maybe a little too hard. He nodded his assent. Chanyeol unzipped Kyungsoo's jeans and slid his hand into his underwear. He paused for a moment.

“If you you want me to stop, just say so.” 

Kyungsoo nodded again and closed his eyes. It’d been a long time since anyone had touched him like this. Hell, it’d had been quite a while since he’d even touched himself. He’d never seen what the point was so he didn’t masturbate very often. He was nervous, but if it was Chanyeol he thought he could do it. 

Chanyeol wrapped his long fingers around Kyungsoo’s cock a little bit hastily but gently. Kyungsoo’s face got warm and he hardened in Chanyeol’s hand. Chanyeol moaned into Kyungsoo’s neck like he was the one being touched. Kyungsoo leaned back a little and tried to relax. He pulled Chanyeol’s face up from his neck and kissed him until he couldn’t breathe and then pulled back. He looked at Chanyeol’s face, pushing Chanyeol’s sweaty hair back off of his forehead. His cheeks were pink and a small smile played on his lips as he looked back at Kyungsoo. He leaned down to kiss the smaller man as he rough hand moved up and down his now fully erect cock. It felt good, better than Kyungsoo had expected. The combination of the feeling and seeing how much Chanyeol was enjoying it made him realize how much he’d wanted this too. Wanted the closeness and the intimacy. The resulting physical pleasure was incidental, but he craved Chanyeol’s touch if only just because it was Chanyeol. 

Chanyeol’s pace was getting faster and faster and Kyungsoo was getting closer and closer to climax. Kyungsoo couldn’t help but make a small noise and his hips moved subtly upwards. He tried to cover the sound by burying his face into Chanyeol’s shoulder but the other man had heard and moved his hand even faster. Chanyeol buried his own face into Kyungsoo’s neck and whispered his name as Kyungsoo came into his hand. Kyungsoo was breathing heavily and found that at some point he’d grabbed fistfuls of Chanyeol’s shirt and was clinging to him. He let go and fell back into the bed. Chanyeol kept his messy hand out of the way and leaned down to kiss Kyungsoo. 

“Are you okay?”

It wasn’t supposed to be a loaded question but Kyungsoo couldn’t find an easy answer to it. Was he okay? He felt strange, which he wasn’t expecting, even though he wasn’t sure exactly how he was supposed to feel. He’d liked it. Touching someone else had always been more in his comfort zone but being touched had always been much more uncomfortable for him. But this time, with Chanyeol, with how much Kyungsoo trusted him, it was different. Chanyeol enjoyed it so much that Kyungsoo couldn’t help enjoying it too. It was the first time a sexual act actually felt worth doing and for some reason this made him feel vulnerable. He couldn’t deny to himself how much he loved Chanyeol anymore. There was no way it could be anything else. True, he’d always wanted to fall in love, but now that he actually had, it was frightening. He had resigned to the fact that he might never find someone, and there had been a good amount of comfort in that resignation. This realization that not only could he love someone, but that he actually did, so much, was terrifying. A sense of uncertainty flooded his heart. He didn’t want to fuck this up. His differences in sexuality were the downfall of his previous two relationships and he desperately didn’t want anything to go wrong this time. He closed his eyes and tried to smile as he finally answered the question.

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

He could feel tears burning behind his eyelids. Shit, he thought, I can’t start crying. He quickly kissed Chanyeol, his eyes still closed. 

“Shouldn’t you go wash your hands before it get’s too sticky?”

“Yeah I probably should. I’ll be right back.” Chanyeol chuckled a little and got up. Kyungsoo sat up and fixed his jeans while Chanyeol went into the bathroom. He tried to take the moment that Chanyeol was gone to calm down but it was no use. Tears started to leak out of his eyes but he kept them shut in a futile attempt to stop it. He knew he was just crying from too much emotion, that if he could only take some time to think about it more he could stop. But it was no use in the moment, and he couldn’t help the flood of tears that streamed down his face. He tried to wipe the tears away with his sleeve. He didn’t want Chanyeol to worry. The thought of just getting up and leaving the apartment crossed his mind, but he figured that would just make him worry more.

From the bathroom he heard Chanyeol turn off the sink. He quickly finished drying his face and tried to fix his expression. But when Chanyeol came out his eyes were still too red, his expression still too dark. Chanyeol sat down next to him again and he looked concerned. He reached out and held Kyungsoo’s hand. 

“What’s wrong?” Chanyeol tried to look into Kyungsoo’s eyes but the other man refused to look at him. Tears had started welling up in his eyes again. 

“It’s really nothing.” Kyungsoo was looking down, trying to hid the tears building up on his eyelashes. Chanyeol let go of his hand and moved back a little. 

“I’m sorry.” He spoke quietly. “I pressured you didn’t I? I’m really sorry. I should have known you wouldn’t actually want to.” He looked like he was starting to tear up too as he continued. 

“I should have just stopped. It’s obvious you did this just for me. I… I just want to be with you. We should have waited longer. We don’t have to do it again, I’m okay if we don’t so please don’t cry. I’m so sorry.” By now Chanyeol was crying even more than Kyungsoo. 

“No. No. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Kyungsoo moved in closer to Chanyeol, and put his hand on his cheek.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” He took a deep breath and told Chanyeol everything. He explained how he felt, how much he’d liked being with him that way and what that meant for him and how frightened he was now. He explained about his past relationships and how he felt he’d ruined them by being how he was. He talked for a while, more than he intended too, but as he got going the words just fell out. Chanyeol didn’t interrupt, just listened intently and held Kyungsoo’s hand. By the time he’d finished Kyungsoo felt even more vulnerable but also a little lighter. He had never actually said any of this out loud before.

“I’m sorry.” Kyungsoo apologized again. “I just don’t want to mess things up. And I don’t want you to cry either.” His heart was pounding like he was about to jump off a cliff. He squeezed Chanyeol’s hand.

“I love you.” It felt corny and embarrassing saying it out loud but he couldn’t keep it in any longer.  “I really love you and I want to keep being with you.” He kissed Chanyeol on the cheek.

“Is that okay?”

Chanyeol smiled and wrapped his long arms around Kyungsoo’s shoulders. 

“It’s perfect.”

**Author's Note:**

> Title credit goes to the wonderful and talented Liyussi. You can find her stuff over at http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/478825.


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